I did love you...

Hellow!!! So... second FF for Eric and Sinbad, I'm just falling in love with this pair x3 well, this is how they broke up ;-; hope you'll enjoy <3

Outside was raining quite a lot: ice cold drops that burn on the skin like hell fire… A sad, grey day… perfect for his mood…He felt like a huge rock had been put on his chest, but the truth was he couldn’t handle the situation anymore. People were starting to suspect of what he did, sneaking away so often… as long as they believed he was in some brothel it was fine, but more and more people had started recognizing Sinbad’s face. They didn’t have suspects… yet… none of them as far as he knew… but how much time could he still be able to hide it? And people didn’t know what kindness and clemency was when it came to such horrible sins as his… At the wall he had heard for weeks the other crows make jokes about a man in a village who had been found in fragrant with another man, and how they had both been impaled. He had to hide his shivers the whole time.
During the last 4 years he had thought so often to call it off, he had tried to stop, he fought with Sinbad, he tried to explain, but he was too weak to let him go. Every time he crawled back to him.
But not this time. He swallowed looking at his pale reflection in the mirror. No, this time he meant it…
It was in that moment that the door of his room opened with a noise.
“Fuck that rain, I’m soaking wet!”
Normally Eric would have smiled at Sinbad’s cursing, but today he really didn’t have the strength to smile. He let his eyes wander briefly on Snbad… he knew already he was going to miss him.
Sinbad realized that something was wrong as soon as he looked at his face: he knew that expression…
“Hey, you ok?”
rhetoric question, he knew Eric wasn’t ok. He started approaching, ready to comfort him in his own way: whatever it was, he was sure it was nothing that sex couldn’t cure. But Eric stopped him halfway.
“Please, don’t.”
Normally SInbad wouldn’t have let him stop with so little, but his seriousness worried him
“What’s wrong, Eric?”
“We… need to talk…”
Eric could see Sinbad’s expression turning from concerned to annoyed: he knew already what this was about, it wasn’t the first time he tried to bring up the subject.
“Do we, now?”
he asked sourly, rolling his eyes
“Sinbad I… I can’t do this anymore…”
“Yeah, you say that every couple of months, before you crawl back to me begging to fuck you. Can’t we just skip all this shit and…”
“Stop it, I’m serious!”
Sinbad had started walking again toward Eric but once again the other male had managed to stop him. Sinbad massaged his temples with two fingers: he was trying to be understanding, he really was, but he really didn’t get what the problem was and this angst that came and gone was really angering him.
“What’s the problem, Eric?”
He asked, trying to be calm.
Eric sighed: he knew what the problem was, he had tried to explain times and times again, he just didn’t listen… or he didn’t care. He knew he didn’t care if people knew about his tendencies… sometimes he wished he could share his carefreeness… but he just couldn’t, he couldn’t handle being seen as less than a man, as weak…
“This is the last time I come here”
Eric tried to start again his speech but was interrupted by Sinbad cursing.
“Fuck this shit! To hell with you, Eric! I’m tired of this! Of your… your demons and fears… cause this is the problems! Your made-up problems! And you know what? I would fight them for you, I would fight your demons if only you allowed me to! But no, for one that I overcome you make up two more! And I’m tired of this! I did try… I did try to make us work, I tried to understand! All for what? What am I supposed to do?”
There was a deaf pain in Eric’s heart, hearing Sinbad shouting in frustration and anger. Eric was feeling numb and incredibly tired, but he wasn’t going to step back now…
“There’s nothing you can do….”
“If you leave now don’t bother to come back, Eric, cause I’m sick tired of this.”
Eric didn’t know if Sinbad was bluffing or not, his eyes were full of both concern and rage.
“I’m sorry…”
Sinbad moved toward him but as Eric twirled the door handle he stopped. He realized only in that moment that Eric had somehow made them circle around the room, switching places.
hey could only stare in each other eyes for a time that seemed endless before Eric whispered, still loudly enough to be heard by SInbad
“I loved you.”
It was the first time he ever admitted that out loud. Sure, Sinbad probably knew anyway, but he had just never said those words. And Eric couldn’t even bear to look at Sinbad’s expression after he said them: quickly, before the other male could manage to make him change his mind, he opened the door and left, running away.

Eric wasn’t crying while he was slowly riding back toward castle black. I was only raining heavily and that was the reason why his eyes and cheeks were wet and his sight blurred. Or so he kept saying to himself. He thought that after leaving SInbad for good he would have wanted to scream, shout in pain, instead he felt just numb and tired. The only thing he wanted to do was curl up in his bed and never wake up again, trying to be happy at least in his dreams.
But no, once at castle black he should have faked smiles, fought wildlings, acted carefree as usual… He wasn’t sure he could handle that but he didn’t have much of a choice…
He closed his eyes and went again with his mind to visit sweeter memorie, times when he and Sinbad where happy, when he waited him at the tavern not to send him away but to spend some sweet hours in his company, days when they were lucky…
Could he really just stop seeing the man? Once again in his life, he felt like he had no choice…

The following month, when Sinbad arrived at the tavern, there was no trace of Eric.